I've been poking around the Dove website the last couple of days and I applaude what these people are doing. They promote being yourself.

This is myself.

I'm 23 years old. I've got blue/green/grey eyes. I wear glasses and had braces at one point. I wear a retainer now. I have eight ear peircings and a tattoo on my right thigh and I want more. My skin is pale because I don't want to tan. I put make up on only when going out.
My hair is short, with one long thin braid behind my right ear and I will never grow it long again.
I'm five foot seven inches(give or take). I've got a little tummy pooch, a flat bum and big boobs. I have bunions and flat feet. My doctor told me that I'm underweight for my size. I said whatever.
I complain about the way I look. I love the way I look.
I wear baggy t-shirts and cargo pants, snug jeans and sweaters, I wear skirts only when I must. My favorite item of clothing is my hoodie. I have no idea what size I am. I wear medium shirts? If it fits, I wear it. Really, my fashion sense is not so great, but I try.
I work in a bakery and I smell like flour and sweat when I get home at the end of the day.
I like the colors blue, green and red. I like shiny sliver things. I like black.
If it has caffine, I will probably drink it. I love chocolate.
I like long, hot showers and soaps that smell good.
I like citrus scents. I want vanilla perfume, even though it might not actually smell that good.
My favorite foods are pasta, pizza, stir fry and mac and cheese. My favorite dessert is ice cream.
I've got two pet fish. I wanted a mini pin.
I read science fiction books because I enjoy them. I read vampire books because they thrill me. I wanted to get fangs once, still do sometimes.
I listen to anything that catches my ear, mainstream or not. I still like Celtic best though and my favorite classical song is Danse Macabre.
I'm in love with a boy from Indiana. He says I'm beautiful. He's just as in love with me.
I like cooking but I never do it. I want a house with a big kitchen one day.
I still sleep with a stuffed animal. His name is Seamus and he's a duck.
I love my family even though they drive me nuts and they love me too.
I am changing every day.
Who I am inside is what makes me special.



In a nutshell, that is me.





Quote of the day:

"It's a good idea not to live your life just to please others. You don't please yourself and you end up not pleasing anyone else. But if you please yourself, maybe you'll please someone else."
--Groucho Marx

Ok, time for the post Christmas update.

I got together with my family and extended family (Dad's side) on Christmas Day and all was well. Surprisingly we all went two whole days together without any major arguements. I was pleasently shocked by that. There was no nagging from my grandmother, no bitching from my mom, none of my aunts argued. The dinner went quite well, though I ate barely anything. That may have had something to do with the three cans of Coke and the glass of eggnog I'd had about an hour or so before hand.

Now, typically Christmas Day is done at my grandparents house back in Lacombe. This year however it was at my aunt's house in Edmonton. Which was both good and bad. Good because there's a nice big screen TV and Xbox down in the basement to keep the kids occupied but bad because there's not really any good place for opening the gifts. You see, the tree and presents were in the front hall. Now while there is a sitting room right next to the front hall, it has no lights and gets sort of crowded when you try and stuff twenty some people into it. Twenty seven to be correct. (I had to tally that up. Too many people!) So dark, and crowded. The better idea would have been to go to the living room/dining room area and do presents there. Nobody seemed to have thought about that, or they dismissed it because it meant having to carry the gifts further. Needless to say, chaos reigned for about an hour. Still, it was fun.

The family does a name exchange within my dad's siblings and then my own brothers and sisters. With 7 siblings a name exhchange is just so much easier. I think Dad's brothers and sisters do it because it means spending less money. My dad got his brother Brett and so Dad and Rachel made up a big hamper full of home baked breads and cookies, etc. Mom put in some of her homemade jams. In my family, I got Ian's name this year so I got him a windup radio and flashlight plus a hat that says CSI on it. I also got my baby sister Hayley a gift, obligation of the godmother and all. She got some "How to Read" Pokemon books. For some reason she's fallen in love with Pokemon, but I guess I can't blame her. If I were two years old I'd probably love them too. My sister Becky got my name and did something similar to Brett's gift for me. I got a pack of hot chocolate and a coffee mug, some soaps, a yoga ball and a Nestle bunny full of strawberry syrup. The syrup thing ties in with another present which was a bunny full of chocolate syrup. I've never actually opened it. Little brother Luke also gave me a present because he insisted that he had to. This kid loves me to death and everytime I call home he's always asking when he can come and visit. He's also taken a page from my book and is growing himself a warrior's braid, though he calls it a wolf tail. He got me a nice little candle lantern.
The grandparents gifted me with new dinnerware, so I actually own some nice plates and bowls. Now I just need some decent cutlery. Mom and Dad got me a Rolodex, but in the confusion of packing it was laft at their house. I'll pick it up some other time. Also, my aunt Heather gave me a bar of scented soap, some lipgloss, a t-shirt and the Ultimate Edition of the Stargate movie. Pretty nifty.

Possibly the best gift given however, was to my Dad from the kids and I. Because nothing says "We love you, Dad" like a well aged peice of chedder cheese. Gourmet, mind you. My aunt Fran has a friend who owns a cheese shop in Calgary and Dad just loves the stuff, so that's what we got him. Dear Lord, did it smell.

It was great to see the kids again. Hayley's not so scared of me anymore, I actually got some hugs when they showed up and a cuddle first thing Boxing Day morning. She's talks constantly and seems to have a thing for ornemental snowmen. "nomen" is what she calls them. Rachel colored her hair red. It looks great on her. Catherine's as tomboyish as ever, but I think she's waiting for me to take her shopping for some better clothes. Ian's a little more indifferent about me, but he's at that age I guess. Becky wants to know when it's her turn to come shopping with "The big girls" and of course Luke just wants to get his visit in.

So that was my christmas, in a nut shell.



Quote of the day:

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."
Johnny Carson

It's a little christmas for me this year.

Just wish that Josh was here now. Would be much better that way.








I'll be home for Christmas,
You can count on me
Please have snow and mistletoe
And presents 'round the tree

Christmas Eve will find me,
Where the love light gleams,
I'll be home for Christmas,
If only in my dreams

If only in my dreams.

Merry Christmas everybody, I just hope it's going a little better than mine thus far.

I just had to show this off.





Yummy! And all mine.

bored out of mind.

thank you, that is all.

Erin and I are going to brave the elements and go Christmas shopping today. My goals are X-mas tunes, a gift for my baby sister/goddaughter, something to give to the grandparents(that's going to be fun), and to find a pen for Josh. Oh and some more decorations for my apartment as it's looking rather.... sparce. Charlie Brown christmas sort of thing. I'm debating if I should make a fool of myself and wear my Santa hat to the mall. Probably not. The tassel at the end tends to get in the way.
Well, time to go get dressed up, eat and head to Erin's house. Updates will come later today.





Song of the day:

"Echo Base, are you listening?
I see white armor glistening.
And sir, I think we should go,
I see through the snow, walkers in a winter wonderland.
All I have to defend us
Are a handful of extras
I guess we'll give it a shot,
I think we'll do squat
To walkers in a winter wonderland

Here I am a hapeless Rebel soldier,
Stuck here on a planet like a fridge
Don't think I'll be getting too much older,
Look what I see on the Southern Ridge.

They're so Big! they'll get past us,
Armor's too strong for blasters.
You know there's zip we can do,
We're gum on the shoe
Of walkers in a winter wonderland.

We're all beaten so "Retreat!" I'm calling.
We're slaughtered by machines of giant size.
Here and there the snow is gently falling...
And so are all the speeder pilot guys

But they walk on for Lord Vader
To the shield generator.
All our defense was a flop,
Cause nothing can stop
Walkers in a winter wonderland
Yes, our defense was a flop
'Cause nothing can stop
Walkers in a winter wonderland."

Steven Cavanagh

First, I love my Josh.

Second, there's this little video that I just have to share. Time to share the joy known as.... porn! Interpret that as you will.


Quote of the day:

"Girl on girl on girl on girl on girl on guy on sheep"
Internet Porn - Da Vinci's Notebook

Not exactly cheerful right now. This being my first christmas really away from home and the reality of it is hitting a little too close to home. Twenty two years of christmas with family will kind of do that to a person. Granted that my extended family will be getting together in Edmonton on Christmas Day, or so I've been told, but that's not what I mean. When I moved away from home my parents got me a little tree and a string of lights for my first christmas in my new apartment. It's just over a foot tall and cute, really it is. But I set it up today along with the very few little decorations I had. It took me all of ten minutes. Which is when the depression kicked in. Compared to the tradition of decorating my parents house for christmas, this felt pitiful. No little kids trying to sneak candy canes, no baking cookies, no trying to keep the dog from eating the garland. There's no spruce needles on my carpet, no Dad telling my brother to go get the saw because the tree is too tall still. There's no laughing, or telling stories or anything. I don't even have any good music. I love christmas but fuck, this sucks right now. I miss my family and the bustle and noise that goes with a holiday. There's more to it. There's some plans but nothing's perfect and if these plans don't work out, then it's not going to be a very merry anything for me this year.

I feel a bit better now that I'm not crying, but still not great. And a stuffed animal isn't really who I want to be cuddling with to try and make my day go better. There's a staff christmas party tonight, I'm going with Erin. Again, that's not who I want with me. All I want for christmas is Josh. I just don't know if I'm going to get that wish this year. And yes, that's part of why I feel down. I want my family and I want him.

Mine!

See that? Yup, mine. All mine. And I love him.